looking back for a better now



… 10 months , yes it has been what around 10 months . but still i remember it every bit of it , every second every whisper of a second it makes me laugh actually i would say smile but then going deeper in my thoughts and ocean of memories i do laugh , It’s hard to describe the pain it’s even harder to remember how was i able to go through it all with a smile yet i can still remember how people around me reacted specially my father , yes my father the one big pillar out of all the others in my life who built me and when i broke he carried pieces of me and made a new me out of what ever was left of me more than a friend better than a brother and the best father … am sure if my mom was next to me she would be staring at me its silly how mom thinks i don’t appreciate or i have forgotten her efforts , and am sure she wouldn’t believe the fact that i used to ask about her everyday not a single day would go by without me asking of her i knew she would be alright and okay she is a warrior and i am a fighter because i get the patience and courage of my dad and the sustainability and confidence of my mom … i love her allot and dad loves her more than me . 

so yes the pain … chemo is more of a silent killer you know like those bad ninjas who silently strike all you can do is hold on strong and wait for the light to get them exposed so you can strike back and when i did strike back i stroke so hard that i made chemo pay for its bad experience .. when i see back i see me walking through the hospital corridors i used to see people how they are how they react .. there was always this one corner and place and one scenario and that is someone crying staring out of the window yes that someone would be me or any one who had just known they have cancer no matter what stage no matter where the cancer is … we cancer fighters been through the tears and looking at life haha  yes i laugh i laugh because i cried allot i cried till there was no more to cry .. i gave it all the cry it takes haha but as soon as i realized that i have a life i need to live regardless of cancer or any other diseases .. i lived i lived till there is nothing to regret about i lived every second of pain every second of joy i learned that death is inevitable so why seek on changing something no one can or ever did change !! but if there is something i could change !! it’s the way i live i chose to be happy !! i chose to fight cancer with a smile .. i chose to be a fighter not a patient i chose to kick cancer !! al hamdulilah yes i thank god for all this strength .. and yes  i look back and am proud of the hamza that was once a cancer patient …      


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