I wonder what it feels like when you can understand and comprehend all these feelings and thoughts . Well sometimes we wish we were something somewhere yet we don’t really reach that point or that desired goal we once had . People around us and their feelings and behavior really do effect on us and our decisions . Sometimes we mistake being used to someone with love .. Yes it is hard to understand these feelings and that deep maze of affections no matter how hard we try we only lose our path and end up being on a dead end .. But let’s just think about it maybe this is life .. Maybe this is exactly how wonderful life is not that being lost is a good feeling but it actually puts you in a challenge you see a challenge worth fighting for we all forget the fact that we fight for life even if you are reading this basically your fighting for a better tomorrow .. I could go on writing and writing but as I said it will only make me go deeper into this maze where dead ends will put up a challenge and you as well keep on reading .. See that’s wonderful I am not where I want to be and you my friend are not reading something you were looking for .. Yet again let me tell you that this wasn’t a wast of time nor energy you actually played this maze with me .. #hamza_writes


looking back for a better now



… 10 months , yes it has been what around 10 months . but still i remember it every bit of it , every second every whisper of a second it makes me laugh actually i would say smile but then going deeper in my thoughts and ocean of memories i do laugh , It’s hard to describe the pain it’s even harder to remember how was i able to go through it all with a smile yet i can still remember how people around me reacted specially my father , yes my father the one big pillar out of all the others in my life who built me and when i broke he carried pieces of me and made a new me out of what ever was left of me more than a friend better than a brother and the best father … am sure if my mom was next to me she would be staring at me its silly how mom thinks i don’t appreciate or i have forgotten her efforts , and am sure she wouldn’t believe the fact that i used to ask about her everyday not a single day would go by without me asking of her i knew she would be alright and okay she is a warrior and i am a fighter because i get the patience and courage of my dad and the sustainability and confidence of my mom … i love her allot and dad loves her more than me . 

so yes the pain … chemo is more of a silent killer you know like those bad ninjas who silently strike all you can do is hold on strong and wait for the light to get them exposed so you can strike back and when i did strike back i stroke so hard that i made chemo pay for its bad experience .. when i see back i see me walking through the hospital corridors i used to see people how they are how they react .. there was always this one corner and place and one scenario and that is someone crying staring out of the window yes that someone would be me or any one who had just known they have cancer no matter what stage no matter where the cancer is … we cancer fighters been through the tears and looking at life haha  yes i laugh i laugh because i cried allot i cried till there was no more to cry .. i gave it all the cry it takes haha but as soon as i realized that i have a life i need to live regardless of cancer or any other diseases .. i lived i lived till there is nothing to regret about i lived every second of pain every second of joy i learned that death is inevitable so why seek on changing something no one can or ever did change !! but if there is something i could change !! it’s the way i live i chose to be happy !! i chose to fight cancer with a smile .. i chose to be a fighter not a patient i chose to kick cancer !! al hamdulilah yes i thank god for all this strength .. and yes  i look back and am proud of the hamza that was once a cancer patient …      

A yesterday

I look back to yesterday I see my self fighting to become who I am today.
I look back at those days and Times I look back at the ups and downs.
I look back to yesterday and see the pain that now has become my strength
I look back at those moments where I lost hope where I almost gave up but here I am today finding reasons so tomorrow when I look back to today I will be strong cause when I was weak I had no choice but be strong..  like I faught cancer yesterday!!  today I want to spread smiles and help those who want to see them self tomorrow when they look back to…  yesterday!!!  fight cancer with a smile 🙂

let’s kill cancer with a smile

The waiting

Well am at the hospital waiting for my endoscopy . It’s really amazing to observe people who are fighting cancer and see how even in the very old ages that allot of them are in fighting cancer is not putting them down haha and here I am not the only 21 cancer fighter but yes around here am 1 of the young fighters . I look right and left different faces diverse nationalities and all kinds of stories , it’s like every minute that goes by I learn a lesson , lesson I’ll treasure all my life . Makes me thank god for the very air am breathing …. makes me ashamed of giving in or up makes me want to fight even harder even stronger we all might not know or realize but we are an army of all ages all over this world fighting one common enemy , and yes we are winning .
I fight and I will always keep fighting ill stand by you and by the millions that are fighting … I fight cancer with smile


Fighting for life and fighting cancer


indeed a weird world that we live in . the way we live life and the way we embrace the good times and the bad times . and how one moment can truly change the way we want to live ! we forget destiney has its role in our lives we easily let sorrow drown us in its deep lost valleys!

personally I thought I had experienced enough life to deal with any kind of road blocks .. the day I was diagnosed with gastro cancer changed the way I see life and the way I want face problems … I started living and learning from every single minute I live on this world I started to realize how amazing of a gift life is ! and how sometimes we let our small tiny problems put us down …I decided to live the bad and the good times I decided to thank god for Ghent very air am breathing.. I fight cancer with a smile .. and every o e should live life no matter how hard it is .. and that is my message to everyone ..

Hamza iskandarImage